Lindsay Lohan - Bossy
(Universal)

Clearly scissoring Samantha Ronson has done nothing for LiLo's musical credentials. Bossy, "FROM LINDSAY'S UPCOMING RECORD - IN STORES THIS FALL" features an orchestra hit that sounds like a cross between a Master System synth and a wet fart.

The song manages to collapse in on itself to form a black hole of r'n'b nothingness almost instantaneously. Repeated listens just add to the sense of musical purgatory; after half a dozen spins you'll get a keen sense of what East Germany must have been like. Uniform suffering.

As a loose bint LiLo released genuinely fun angst-pop. You'd think that now she's a lez she'd at least go all Kathleen Hannah and pretend to like disco. No such luck. See above for when LiLo was hot and released good music.

One donk.